Candy Cane Calaboose by Spaeth Janet

Author:Spaeth, Janet
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Barbour Publishing, Inc.
Published: 2013-10-08T04:00:00+00:00

ten

Abbey was still chuckling over the incident the next day. She was telling Selma about it when suddenly a man dressed in a Keystone Kops outfit, complete with a rounded helmet and a billy club, invaded her store.

“Officer Oliver P. Torkelson here. I have a warrant for Abbey Jensen,” he said loudly. “I’ve come to arrest you!” His handlebar moustache tilted forward dangerously, and he shoved it back into place.

“What on earth?” Abbey asked. She’d never seen anything like this. “You must have the wrong place, or at least the wrong person.”

“You’re under arrest, young lady. The charge is—wait a second, let me check.” He pulled a folded sheet of paper from his shirt pocket with great ceremony and proceeded to read: “Abbey Jensen is hereby placed under arrest for being a Holiday Hooligan.”

“A Holiday Hooligan? What is that? This is crazy!”

“Got the warrant right here. All written out proper-like. You’d better come with me.”

“I’m not coming with you,” Abbey protested. “I have no idea what this is all about.”

“Sorry, Ma’am.” Torkelson produced gigantic red plastic handcuffs. “Resisting arrest means I’ll have to use these.”

A strangled sound from behind her made Abbey turn her head. Selma was overcome with giggles. “Do you know anything about this?” Abbey asked her employee warily. “You do, don’t you?”

Selma shook her head wordlessly.

“Mike. Mike had something to do with it,” Abbey accused. “And from that grin on your face, you do too know what’s going on.”

Officer Torkelson cleared his throat loudly. “Enough chitchat. You’d better come with me to the Candy Cane Calaboose.”

“The Candy Cane Calaboose?” Abbey repeated. “What is that?”

The policeman tsked and wrote something on the warrant. “I’m going to have to add Failure to Read Merry Mall Mail to the complaint.”

“Merry Mall Mail?” Abbey couldn’t believe her ears. “I’ve never heard of such a thing.”

“That’s because you never read your Merry Mall Mail,” Officer Torkelson said logically. “If you’d have read it, you’d know what it was.”

Abbey covered her face with her hands. “This is unreal. I never heard of Merry Mall Mail. I don’t know what the Candy Cane Calabash is.”

“Calaboose,” Selma corrected. “A calaboose is a jail. A calabash is a gourd.”

“Calabash, calaboose. This is insane.”

Officer Torkelson stroked his moustache reflectively. “Trying to cop an insanity plea, eh? Are you insane? Do I need to get a straightjacket?”

“No, I’m not insane. They’re insane, whoever ‘they’ are. And I certainly don’t need a straightjacket.” She paused as she realized what was transpiring. “Oh, for crying out loud. This is what the other managers were talking about down at the mailboxes, isn’t it? Please tell me this isn’t the brainchild of the mall management.”

The policeman’s moustache twitched dangerously.

She knew she had no choice except to go. Selma would watch the store, and besides, it would probably be just a few minutes. Even the mall administration wouldn’t be as silly as to take people off the selling floor during the busiest season of the year for any extended period of time.

“This won’t take long,” she told Selma grimly as she left in the custody of Officer Torkelson.

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